Pure Magazine

Marital Bliss not so BLISSFUL?

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What to do when your marriage is on the rocks

Life is a funny thing sometimes. As my husband says, "Just when you think you got it, you don't." Well, the same thing can be said about life in the "marital realms". Just when you think your marriage is going great, a speed bump can show up on the road and catch you off guard. A death in the family, financial problems, job lay-offs, infidelity, problems with children? The list can go on and on when it comes to outward interference in a marriage. However, remember that God is the one that created marriage. Satan is the one that wants to destroy families and break up marriages. The odds are that if you are married, you have hit a rough patch at one time or another. Just as life has its ups and downs, so does a marriage. But what are we supposed to do when the downs of marriage have kicked us to the curb? Let's see what the Bible has to say.

The Fruits of the Spirit

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One thing I've found to be true in marriage is you cannot change your spouse. You cannot expect your marriage to change if you are depending on your spouse to change it. You must be proactive and focus on your behavior first. When you begin to pray for your marriage and live and act in the fruits of the spirit, I guarantee that your spouse will take notice.

When you are in the midst of an argument, do you think it would get better or worse if you listened and admitted your faults? Or do you think you will improve the situation by snapping back and sharing all of your hurts? Most likely the first way is the best.

God gave us an outline to how we should live...not just with friends and co-workers, but with our spouses as well.

I have a few tips that may help out when you are on the verge of exploding:

1) Step back from the situation. SAY A PRAYER. It may be hard because you are so angry, but SAY A PRAYER.

2) Respond in love. There is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings, even if they are feelings of hurt or disappointment. But, share those feelings in LOVE.

3) Be gentle in your speech. Don't use a harsh tone or body language.

4) Do your best to keep peace in your household. If the situation is escalating, step away again. Take another breather. SAY ANOTHER PRAYER.

5) Be patient with your spouse as they explain their feelings. Don't interrupt, but listen patiently.

6) Be faithful to your spouse by knocking down temptations to run away or run into someone else's arms. Be faithful in mind and action...your marriage will survive this if you depend on God.

7) Be self-controlled. When you are angry, do not react. Violence is caused by anger...if you are having violent thoughts walk away. Control your anger.

8 ) Do your best to not steal your spouse's joy. You ever hear of raining on someone's parade? If you are upset about something, choose the correct timing in bringing it up to your spouse. Choose the correct environment as well.

9) Be kind in your actions and speech. There is a way to explain yourself kindly, even if what you have to say is productive criticism.

10) Goodness....Keep negativity out of your mouth. Criticism is a large cause of divorce. Remind your spouse of the good you see in him. Be careful of being too overly critical.

*I know this is easier said than done, but the more you practice living in the spirit, the easier it will become*

Forgiveness

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If you are married, or thinking of getting married in the future, read this next part carefully.

Marriage is work. Great marriages are created by two people that are dedicated to making it work. You will not get through life being married without some arguments. It is going to happen. So don't be surprised when a dispute happens. It just will.

However, when your husband hurts you, do you hold onto a grudge afterward? Are you able to forgive him and wipe his slate clean?

Luke 6:37

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

This is a hard one to hear, especially if wounds are great. Rape victims, victims of abuse, and the like will especially find this difficult. A large part of why it is so difficult is because most believe if they forgive the abuser, they will be getting away with the crime. However, we must come to know that God is the one to deal with the abuser. It is not our part to avenge, but the Lord's. I am not suggesting that you stay in an abusive situation. If you are being abused you should contact your local police department and seek help. However, you cannot hold onto the pain forever. You must learn to forgive and move on.

The same goes for wives that have been hurt by husbands. Let's face it; we all say things we shouldn't at times. We all hurt our spouse at one time or another intentionally or unintentionally. But, if we hold onto grudges and keep bringing them back into arguments, we will never move on and our marriages will never improve.

Forgiveness is an art form. Let's become masters of it.

Don't give Satan a Foothold

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Ephesians 4:26-32

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. ... Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

When we live in sin, we give Satan a foothold. This actually means you are helping Satan ruin your life. His goal is to STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY anything and everything in your life. He doesn't take vacations when you are at your lowest point. He will pounce on you like a lion. If your marriage is suffering and you hold onto grudges, he will feed off of that to make it worse. DO NOT give him a foothold because he will use it.

Conclusion

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1 Peter 3:1

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,"

1 Peter 3:1-3

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Let's all try to live the way God intended: with the fruits of the Spirit.