Pure Magazine

Choosing To

Let Go and Let God

One of the hardest things for a woman to admit is that she cannot do everything on her own. In today’s society women are expected to be superheroes. They should be able to hold down a full-time job, take care of their children and husbands, get dinner on the table, take care of everyone’s problems, stay in shape physically, and do all of it with a smile on their face. It isn’t hard to understand why women feel a lot of unneeded pressure when they try to fill the roles of a superhero.

When I think about the progress women have made in the world, I have mixed feelings. For a single,working mother, it is even harder to juggle all of life’s battles and I applaud you. “Let’s see here…how can I leave this board meeting in time for my child’s PTA meeting? And wait, I have to pick up the dry cleaning and wash my daughter’s dance uniform tonight too.” Does this sound familiar to anyone?

For those of you that may think I am anti-women-working, I am far from it.What I am against is a society that thinks “working” can only be done outside the home and that being a mother isn't "real work". The Bible talks about a “woman of noble character” that works hard and takes care of her family.

Proverbs 31:13-

“She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.”

Even to a mother with help from a spouse, life can be hectic. To women that want to stay home, often times it isn’t possible financially. It’s hard to raise a family on two incomes, today; let alone with one income. Women are expected to feel guilty,no matter what they choose to do. If you stay home to take care of your husband and kids, you are supposed to feel guilty for the lack in income, having people claim you aren’t “pulling your weight”. If you choose to work (or have to work), you are expected to feel guilty for not having enough time to spend with your kids. As a woman, you cannot win in today’s society. So as I said, when I think about the “progress” women have made, I am proud and worried at the same time.

According to Kim Parker, author o f“The Harried Life of the Working Mother”, “women make up almost half of the U.S. labor force, up from 38% in 1970. This nearly forty-year trend has been fueled by a broad public consensus about the changing role of women in society. A solid majority of Americans (75%) reject the idea that both husband and wife should contribute to the family income. But in spite of these long-term changes in behaviors and attitudes, many women remain conflicted about the competing roles they play at work and at home. Working mothers in particular are ambivalent about whether full-time work is the best thing for them or their children; they feel the tug of family much more acutely than do working fathers. As a result, most working mothers find themselves in a situation that they say is less than ideal.”

We have already stated the obvious here: women are under pressure. But, how can we deal with these pressures whilst staying sane? My solution is just as obvious as the problem: Cast your cares on the Lord. He is our burden bearer and He wants to be there for us.

Psalm 55:22

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.”

1 Peter 5:7

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Psalm 68:19

Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Isaiah 40:29-31

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Freedom is coming, and His name is Jesus. All He asks is that you allow Him to take the load off your shoulders.No matter where you are in life, God is watching out for you. Whether you are single, married, divorced, widowed, with children or without children, working at home or outside the home, God knows what you are going through and He will give you the strength you need to accomplish what He has set out for you to do.

Let’s all try to trust God more and“let go & let God”.

Femininity:

An archaic concept or a lost treasure?

In today's society, it is very hard to be a lady. It's even harder to be a Christian lady. Dr. James Dobson said in his book Bringing Up Girls that the Media considers girls to be "Far too passive, frilly, compliant, and'motherly'." The Media says, "They [girls] needed to be taught to be aggressive, tough, tomboyish, unemotional, and yes, much more masculine."

As a parent, how does this sound to you? Do you want your daughter raised thinking that she needs to be more masculine to fit the world's standards? Of course,not! But, when confronted with the idea that femininity is considered "frilly" or that "motherly" is a bad thing, how will your daughter respond? How will you respond? Most importantly, what does the Bible say about women and femininity?

Dr. Dobson suggests “parents have become far too distracted, overworked, and stressed out to care much about teaching morals and manners to children.” He goes on to say, “mothers, it is your job to acculturate your daughters and to help them become ladies. Does that sound chauvinistic in our high-tech world? I suppose it does, but even so, it makes sense.”

Now, before someone jumps on me and says, “How can you say these things when women have come so far? Are you trying to make us go back to the stone ages here?” Let me make one thing clear. I do not claim that women should give up their rights. However, I do have a theory. When women become ladies, they use the strengths that God gave them. They use their mind, their emotions, and their sympathetic ear. There is nothing weak about being a woman. There is nothing weak about femininity. When we begin to see ourselves as God does, our whole essence changes and people notice that too. As Dobson says, “It is their sensitivity and tenderness that are so charming. They feel everything intensely and make a habit of hugging those they love.”

Titus 2:3-5 “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

It is not an easy thing to go up against the Media & worldly viewpoints. As a Christian woman, you are on a battlefield, not only fighting for yourself, but for your daughters as well.The battlefield has gotten bloodier and bloodier with the Media’s fangs ripping into women’s hearts. Dr. Dobson makes this point very clear by quoting columnist Michelle Malkin’s powerful excerpt:

“When conservative women say,‘Have some self respect,’ Liberals in the Media call us self-righteous. When conservative women say promiscuity is degrading and self-destructive, women in the Media call us prudes. When Liberal women raise their voices, they are praised as ‘passionate.’ When conservative women raise their voices, we are condemned as ‘shrill.’

The advice from Malkin?

“Be ‘prudes.’ Be ‘rude.’ Be‘shrill.’” And never ever feel ashamed for asking out loud, ‘Have you no shame?’”

1 Timothy 2:9 “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,”

Proverbs 11:22 “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

What to do?

To be frank, manners start at home. If you aren’t taking the time at home to teach manners to your children, you are doing them an injustice. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Good manners are made up of small sacrifices.” May I suggest that some of these small sacrifices may mean giving up your favorite show to teach your daughter to cook a meal or to sit at the table with the family for dinner.Often parents don’t see that their children emulate what they see. If you are rude, crude, loud, and abrasive, your daughter will most likely act the same. If you say a prayer before each meal, most likely your children will follow.

Rick Santorum said on a “Focus on the Family” radio broadcast, “America today is a me-centered culture. It is about doing whatever a person wants to do,regardless of how it affects other people. Manners convey just the opposite.They show respect for others, especially looking out for their interests,whether it’s opening the door or waiting in line or just saying a kind word.These social graces reflect an entirely different worldview. But unless parentsare consciously working to instill those values and behaviors in their children, the culture will stamp its own perspectives on them.”

Santorum is absolutely right. If you don’t talk to your daughter about waiting until marriage to have sex, she will hear from her friends that it’s fine…it’s liberating. If you don’t talk to her about drugs, she may experiment with them. Most importantly, if you don’t talk to her about God and his love for her, she may never fully know her worth and value. For, there is no feeling of worth like that when you know an all-powerful God uniquely created you for a divine purpose.

Mothers, let’s pick up the pace and make sure we are teaching our daughters how to be ladies. Let’s equip them to go out into the world and show them the woman God has created. Let’s equip them to fight with the feminine strengths that God has

given them.

I end this article with a "love story from God" taken from Sheri Rose Shepherd's book His Princess: Girl Talk With God.

"My Beautiful Girl,

I know that your true identity is under great attack every day. Voices all around you tell you to become like the world and surrender who you really are. Don't let anyone define you but Me, your Daddy in heaven. You are a daughter of the King, and you don't have to become someone you don't want to be. You will never find your true identity looking at idols of this world. Don't allow these lies to control your confidence anymore. I created you in My image. My daughter does not have to bow down to man-made images in magazines. How you feel about yourself does not change the truth that you are My treasured daughter. .You are called to be a light in the dark and to help your friends find their worth in Me.
Love, your Daddy in heaven"

Image borrowed from:

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:q8H-mBigIQBt-M:http://cdn.24.com/files/Cms/General/d/77/70da6ba90d7c45d78a032457be1ab029.jpg

It's a common problem affecting families everywhere: strained mother-daughter relationships. You may experience the door slam, the "you're ruining my life!" or the infamous "you just don't understand!" Now, for the common household, these disturbances will probably create a strong tension in the family environment. However, what if you and your daughter could learn a new way to communicate? 

Image borrowed from: http://mimediation.org/assets/parent_teen.jpg

Ephesians 6:1

[ Children and Parents ] Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

I will be the first to say that I am not an expert on parenting. I am not even a parent yet. However, I was a teenage girl that grew up with two sisters. The three of us and mom grew to understand communication, even in the tough times. We had our fair share of arguments, of feeling misunderstood, and all the other emotions we don't really like to talk about. One thing, however, that always brought me closer to my mom was to know that I could go to her with anything. I might not have liked the response, but I always knew that mom's love was unconditional.

This is of course a generalization, but I know that often times, teenage girls that won't speak to their mothers feel that they can't trust them. They feel that their mom isn't "with the times" and "couldn't possibly understand what they are going through"

Image borrowed from: http://micheleborba.ivillage.com/parenting/ColdTeen.jpg

"Ingrid Sanden says that the single most important thing a parent can do to stay in touch with their teen is to be "askable" (Keeping Tabs on Your Teen by Johnathon Allen)." If your daughter knows that you won't fly off the handle when she comes to you for advice, she might start bringing up those tough topics (Sex, drugs, alcohol, etc). Allen also states in his article "Studies resoundingly show that a lack of parental support and guidance is one of the primary causes for at-risk behavior such as drinking, smoking, taking drugs and having unprotected sex," says Dr. Michael Anastasi, a family counselor from LaVerne, Calif. "While there is certainly a balance to be struck, it’s absolutely imperative that parents go through the struggle of keeping in touch with their teens and revising their role as caregivers."

Do you remember those commercials that said, "It's 10pm. Do you know where your children are?" That is a valid question. Sadly enough, a lot of parents don't know what their children are doing.

The following information is taken from

http://www.netsmartz.org/safety/statistics.htm

33% of 13- to- 17-year-olds reported that their parents or guardians know

“very little” or “nothing” about what they do on the Internet.

48% of 16-17s said their parents or guardians know “very little” or “nothing”

You are your child's keeper

until she's mature enough to keep herself.

~ Laura Ramirez, Author of the parenting book Keepers of the Children

The article goes on to say, "Talking early and often with kids about things like relationships, sex and drugs may be hard, but children and teenagers consistently say they would rather hear about sex from their parents than from their friends or the media," Sanden says. Government statistics strongly support this view. In fact, 70 percent of interviewed teens said they were ready to discuss things their parents thought they weren’t prepared for. When asked why teenage girls become pregnant, more than 70 percent cited lack of communication between a girl and her parents."

Are you trying to teach your daughter the way to go and she isn't listening? Is your daughter getting involved in hazardous behavior and you feel there is nothing you can do to help? Denise Witmer, from About.com Guide offers a list of

10 Ways to Send a Clear Message to Your Teenager:

1. Use your active listening skills and watch out for those door slammers.

2. Talk often with your teen to bring out positive opinions, ideas, and behaviors by using an affirmative tone and body language.

3. Treat your teenager with the same respect you would have them treat you. Say 'hi', 'I love you', 'how was your day', etc.

4.  Your tone of voice is extremely important. Yelling simply doesn't work. The loud noise will shut down the listener (your teen) and you will not get through. If you feel the need to yell, 'time out' of the conversation until you have better control.

5. Be precise and detailed about what you expect. Write it down and use an Action Plan if you feel there is a need.

6. If you're giving your teenager instructions, write them down. It's a fail-safe for teens and adults. This way they will remember what they are expected to do and you can feel sure that you 'told' them correctly. Remember, to-do lists will keep you stress free.

7.  Do things together one-on-one and with the whole family. Good times often bring about great conversations, and wonderful memories.

***This is one of my personal favorites. My best memories of child/teenhood are when my mom spent time with me one-on-one. Especially when I was a young adult, I got to really know my mom.***

Deuteronomy 6:6

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

8. 'Do as I say, not as I do' doesn't work. Modeling is the best way of learning. You are your teenager's model and they will emulate your behaviors.

Titus 2:4

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,

9. Never shut your teen out to show that you disapprove of their behavior. If you need time before you can talk to them about something that has upset you, tell them that you need time. Don't walk away silent.

10. "Because I said so" actually works when you are being pulled into a power struggle in discipline situations. You are the parent, and because of this, you do have the final say. Teenagers know this and trust you because of it. But do try to explain your reasoning whenever possible.

11. (This one I added myself) PRAY for your daughter. Pray that she will succeed in life by following God's will. Pray for her future spouse and children (if it's God's will for her to have them). Pray that your communication with your daughter will always be open and honest, loving and compassionate.

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.  ~Abraham Lincoln

Image borrowed from:

http://families.osu.edu/stages-of-life/img/mother_and_daughter.jpg

What it comes down to folks is that teenage girls are in a struggle. They are being told to prepare for adulthood, to think and act like an adult, but are often times still treated like children. They feel confused and torn between one world and another. As mothers, it is your job to understand that your daughters are struggling and to be compassionate and understanding when they do fail.

Remember that as a mother, you will always be an influence in your daughter's life. From the time they take their first breath to possibly their last, daughters will always wonder, "What would mom do?" I would even argue this is true in mother-daughter relationships that are strained.

Let me end this article with a poem that demonstrates the power you have as a mother. You have the power to teach your children good/evil, to help them succeed/fail, etc.

Blessings on the hand of women!

Angels guard its strength and grace,

In the palace, cottage, hovel,

Oh, no matter where the place;

Would that never storms assailed it,

Rainbows ever gently curled;

For the hand that rocks the cradle

Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy's the tender fountain,

Power may with beauty flow,

Mother's first to guide the streamlets,

From them souls unresting grow—

Grow on for the good or evil,

Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;

For the hand that rocks the cradle

Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission

Here upon our natal sod!

Keep, oh, keep the young heart open

Always to the breath of God!

All true trophies of the ages

Are from mother-love impearled;

For the hand that rocks the cradle

Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!

Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,

And the sacred song is mingled

With the worship in the sky—

Mingles where no tempest darkens,

Rainbows evermore are hurled;

For the hand that rocks the cradle

Is the hand that rules the world.

William Ross Wallace

Let's try to keep the line open and practice good communication between mother and daughter.